Which is better? Are they both good?
Here are some direct quotes from the show and what I think:
"working women mothers are the best employees."
I have to say this is sometimes true. If you have 5 kids that get sick a lot, you won't be as good an employee as a single girl that works overtime. I'm sure that working moms work harder, and that is probably what the guest on Dr. Phil meant.
Why are they bullying the stay at home mom? Why do they only have 1 stay at home mom - just because she is "judging" them are they thinking it makes a hotter show? Seriously, they brought this super duper judgemental woman on to speak for all SAHMs and she really didn't! Then they all ganged up on her, there wasn't a whole lot of SAHMs talking to support her. I wish he had more Dooce on there and less of that lady.
"Society doesn't respect and honor SAHM's" I agree! They didn't respect and honor SAHMs on this show at all. Why didn't he list some benefits of staying home instead of all these benefits of working? Thanks Dr. Phil for making me feel like a fool!
"SAHM's are wonder women!" Yes they are! But I have to say that all moms are wonder women. We juggle so much! If you work you juggle 2 bosses - your family and your job. If you stay at home you have to deal with this stigma that "if you stay home, you should have a super clean home and amazing children - I mean, what exactly do you do all day?"
I think that working moms and stay at home moms both have terribly difficult jobs! To say that one is better than the other is so wrong and that is what Dr. Phil was doing! He was almost saying that SAHMs are too judgmental on WOHMs and that WOHMs are so wonderful, their kids turn out so much better!
If that is true, why am I staying home? Seriously! If I could get a high paying job and put my kids in the care of a super daycare that would guarantee high developmental outcome why the heck am I staying here? Seems like earning money and letting someone better raise them is what I should be doing huh? Thanks Dr. Phil.
I stay home because I believe that it is better for my family. I think I can give the attention, love, nurturing and spiritual instillment that no daycare could. I believe that working full time would stretch me so thin that when I got home I wouldn't have the same...oh....what is the word? I don't want to hurt the feelings of working moms but this is how I feel. If I worked I would feel less attached.
I like how Dr. Phil is showing the honest emotions of a SAHM that is looking for a daycare. Her emotions are why I chose to stay home. No matter how good of a daycare I found I couldn't leave my baby with someone else. I feel like I am the only one that can watch my babies well.
The first years to me are so important for a mom to be there. I wish there was support for stay at home moms. I don't think we should put either decision on a pedestal and condemn the other. Both are so hard to do! If you work, you are dying inside to be with your babies at home. If you stay at home you yearn for a life outside of dishes and diapers.
What about when my children are in school? Will I get a job then? Since they are more grown and able to take care of themselves should I get a job? No, I probably won't! I will more than likely use my free time to be there for my children. If they are sick I won't have to leave work. If they need a volunteer for a field trip, I'll be there! Yes, working moms can do this too, but I want to do this without worries.
My final verdict and opinion on this topic:
If you have high quality day care, put in 110% when you are at home then you can be a wonderful mom and work! If you have a job that lets you be with your kids whenever the need arises, then do it.
If you want to stay home and can - then do it! You are not less of a mom, your kids won't turn out worse - you are the mom, the most qualified person to raise these children. If you know a stay at home mom in real life call her up and tell her how much you respect what she is doing! Let's support each other. I think stay at home moms if they give 110% can provide a wonderful and nurturing environment for their children. How can we give 110% if we run on empty and loneliness? Support your fellow SAHMs!
12 comments:
I agree I will be posting on this topic as well. I am trying to word my words right and not get a bunch of people mad hah.
You know my opinion, friend. Just wanted to say I think you do an amazing job with your little ones! Love you!
--Jenny
http://www.theneatthingsinlife.com/2009/10/stay-at-home-vs-working-moms.html There is my post. I could have said more, but I kept it short and sweet.
I love home schooling my daughter I wouldn't trade it for nothing. A bit of advice if you do decide to home school let your daughter enjoy being a child and make learning fun. :)
I agree. I stay at home and homeschool my 4 kids. It is a hard and sometimes stressful job with lousy pay but I LOVE it and wouldn't change a thing. Great post.
Great post Annie. I feel that if I worked I wouldn't feel as attached to my kids either.
I read some where once that it might be more important to be a SAHM when your kids are tweens/teens than when they are younger. I'm not sure I agree with it, but I think they were trying to say that during this time of moral, physical, emotional, and spiritual awakening, our kids might need us more than ever before.
Interesting post Annie. And I agree on several points, however wanted to add that ALL mom's (working or stay-at-home) need encouragement. We as mother's sacrifice so much, whether it be our careers, our sleep or a hot meal! We are quick to judge one another and quick to put each other down. I believe the reason we do this is because we all have this little wiggly doubt in the back of our minds that we might be doing it wrong. What if we were set free of that doubt and fear? What if we embraced motherhood and all that it brought without wondering if anyone was talking about us behind their hands.
I believe that we as women have the power to either build up or destroy other women. We can encourage and love one another, or we can tear each other down. ALL mom's are amazing for so many reasons...and usually the last person to know/believe this is the mom herself!
I myself am a working mother. My daughter goes to a daycare 5 days a week and there are days when I just want to stay snuggled up with her on the couch in our PJ's all day. However, I don't think that would make me a good mom. Just as we all have different purposes in life to fulfill, I believe there are different things that make us good momma's. I had my daughter while I was in grad school and despite wanting to quit, I perevered. I believe that my daughter (and soon to be second daughter) will be able to look at this and believe that with perseverence and God's help, anything is possible.
I also want to say that while I love my job (both of them :)) My daugher and family comes first (well behind God). Last year when G was so sick and ended up in the hospital, I didn't even give it a second thought of missing more than a week of work. I am fortunate that my employer is very understanding in those situations, but if they hadn't been, I would have still taken the time...even if it meant losing my job. It was more important for me to be with my daughter and husband during that scary time than for me to be worrying about my job.
Thanks for sharing this post and know that I think mother's are the most amazing creatures on the face of the planet. We all have a hard job ahead of us and we need to hear from our sisters how treasured we are.
Oh, I wish I would have seen the program. I agree with you. I know I don't always do everything right but I feel it is the best for my family for me to stay at home. And I don't mind living on less $ to do it! After being in management for over 10 years I know if I was still working I would be crazy and not have the emotional time to give to my son.
So right, Annie. Being a mom is the most important and toughest job on the planet, period. All mom's deserve respect and consideration, and whatever works for each individual family is right for them.
I've experienced both sides through the last 20 yrs of being a mom I worked for the first 14 yrs of my son and the first 4 yrs of my daughter growing up being a single mom it was hard. Now that I'm stay at home mom with 4 kids total its 4xs as hard.
As a new part-time working mom I get a taste of both sides! I can definitely say I didn't think staying at home would be a job, but it is! It is more work to stay at home than it is to go to work! Luckily, my husband is home with my son Mondays so he know exactly what I am talking about!
I watched a bit of his show and it was the same superficial controversial angle of all his shows. NO MEAT, no real solutions just stating the obvious.
I've been a working mom, a work at home mom, a stay at home mom, a single stay at home mom, and a daycare operator. I've run the gamet sorta speak and what it comes down to is what works for you.
Don't bitch because you can't stay home with your kids and have to work to help support the family. There is always a way to stay home if you truly want to, its just too hard for most mothers to do or to admit that they really don't want to. I'd rather work and have my husband stay home, that was my favorite situation.
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