Mothering from deep inside

I have so much on my mind that I want to write about. Writing has always been my first love, reading my second. Now that I am a full time wife and mother all of my reading and writing is focused on marriage and child rearing. Thankfully the mothering is very fun - and who knew there was so much to learn about something that supposedly comes naturally? That's the thing, it does but there are so many people wanting to share their opinions of how you do things that I tend to second guess my abilities. And there are as many experts out there as there are mothers with instincts, so every mother has an expert to back her up (and bring me down)

I was raised in a very chaotic home, full of screaming, yelling, and lack of respect for my parent's authority. I am the oldest of 5 children and it naturally fell on me to raise my 4 younger siblings when my mother had to go to work after the divorce (I was in 6th grade). I vowed to never have kids! I would go to college, get my degree and work hard so I wouldn't need to rely on a man to take care of me. Then I met Josh and fell in love. He helped me finish college (with 2 bachelor degrees!) and allowed me to make my own decision about whether to work or stay home. When I chose to stay home he was ecstatic! I was scared, excited, overwhelmed and doubtful.

After I held Lizzie in the hospital, no one could tell me I didn't have mothering instincts. The fact that I had them surprised me though. I never felt one bit of nurturing feelings for my younger siblings, I just resented them and I was afraid I'd feel the same way about my children. Far from it! I quit my job and barely passed my last class to graduate college because I couldn't bare to leave Lizzie with anyone else. My desire to breastfeed was so great I overcame our beginning obstacles. She slept in our bed because I couldn't bear to hear her crying alone in the dark when she slept soundly (for 3 hours) in my arms. Then I started to read Dr. Sears and bam! I was hooked. Mothering is my passion.

I am studying to be a La Leche League leader so I can help other frightened, insecure and scared mothers like I was. I want to reassure them that if they follow what deep in their hearts is right for their baby then that baby will grow up to be secure and loved.

All mothers feel like they aren't doing good enough at one time or another. If you have never felt that way then what is your secret? hehehe Seriously though, we all have insecure moments and we need to know that when we hold our baby close at night and have that gut feeling that you are doing the best you can then be proud. Be secure in knowing that if you are doing what others call "odd" or "crazy" but is helping your child and your family then do it for them and ignore the naysayers. Easier said than done....so much easier said than done....at least you can always find an expert to back you up!